Witticism O’ the Day: The tongue touches the tooth that aches (Puerto Rican proverb).

I’m assuming we all know the feeling of test anxiety: increased heart rate, shaky hands, that oozing melted cheese feeling in your stomach. And it certainly does not feel good, nor does it help anyone get through a hard test successfully. If anything, it actually makes you do worse on any test because when you’re nervous, you don’t take your time and end up making stupid mistakes that can make or break your grade. For myself, I always start to get a little anxious before chemistry tests.

Good ol’ chemistry tests

There are a few things that cause me to get anxious before a chem test. First, all chemistry tests at CSU take place in the night time—which is kind of cruel, considering that it both elongates the already lengthy school day and it’s the time of night that some people would rather be curled up in their fleece pajamas watching the Nuggets on TV ahem. Not me, of course, but some people! And chemistry is one of the subjects I struggle with the most, so it’s a little nerve-racking going in to a test in which you aren’t 100% confident in your abilities. But as nervous as chem tests make me, I’ve come up with a few ways to calm myself back down and really focus and since I love giving tips, I’ll share my anxiety reducing techniques with all of you!

1) Study ahead of time. While you can meditate all you want before a test, the only thing to actually prepare you is to study—and if you’ve studied hard, you will be more confident in your abilities and therefore less anxious.

2) Bring your iPod. Prepare a playlist ahead of time that have the songs that get you in the mood to take a test, and then tune out for a little while once you get to the test room. Personally I prefer to listen to some light but uppity songs that are both calming and wake me up. Just make sure to safely stow your iPod before the test so you don’t get accused of cheating and fail the class!

3) Practice relaxation techniques. This can be whatever you need to do for yourself—I like to take some deep breaths and tell myself how awesome at chemistry I am, but some people like meditation or visualization instead.

4) Follow superstitious (and almost OCD) rituals. I always try to precisely imitate my study routine when I take a test, e.g: if I was eating when I was studying, I eat just before I take the test. I monitor what position I’m sitting in when I study, my caffeine intake during that day, and even my mood—and then I try and imitate everything spot on. Okay, maybe it’s a little OCD and superstitious, but it boosts my confidence and increases my likelihood of success. It doesn’t work for everyone.

5) Write yourself a secret note that you “find” right before the test. Write something that makes you laugh, calms you down, and boosts your confidence.

Good luck keeping that melted cheese feeling in your stomach at bay, and study hard!

Witticism O’ The Day: So how do I set my laser printer on stun?

Walking across campus this week I’ve noticed that there are less people napping and more people hitting the books. That can mean only mean two things: midterms must be coming up, and everyone has developed a severe case of Black-Week-Fever.

Definition: Black-Week-Fever

Illness contracted by college students when all homework assignments are due and tests occur within the same week (otherwise known as “Black Week”).

Common symptoms include:

1. Zombie-like stumbling to class, head down, lack of smile

2. Over-exhaustion

3. Yawning approximately every 3.2 minutes

4. Pulling your hair out due to stress

I say midterms “must be” coming because instead of having 1-2 weeks of multiple tests, my schedule has shifted to a “month-of-tests” in which I have about one test each week (with lots of homework around them). Once the “month-of-tests”is over, it starts all over again in another “month-of-tests.” Ugh. It seems like such a good idea in theory, but in reality it just ends up being a never-ending stream of homework and studying without any breaks in between.

Anyway, the lack of the usual nappers on every lawn on campus is disturbing—there’s something about their laid-back nature that keeps the bustling campus in balance. And CSU does seem a bit out-of-whack during these busy times where everyone has multiple tests and assignments that all coincide within a 2-week period. And everyone just looks so tired (probably from staying up into the wee hours of the morning trying to study for a test they have the next day). I'm tired, too, even though I rarely stay up later than midnight on school nights (I have class at 8 am). This can't be healthy for us! So, I have compiled some advice to beat Black-Week-Fever.

To beat Black-Week-Fever and kick ass on those midterms, you need to start preparing for your exams early. I know this advice is a little late for this round of tests, but next time you'll know. Give yourself at least one solid week for each exam. If you have more than one exam in a week, give yourself more than a week to start seriously studying (not just skimming your notes or flipping through the textbook).

Make sure you are getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night. Yes, during the week. Yes, this is possible. Set a "go-to-bed" alarm if you have to! If you don't believe that getting at least 7 hours a night will help you on your exams, prove me wrong. Try it during your next test week and see what happens (I bet you do better).

To get enough sleep each night, that means you have to get your studying and homework done early! Instead of messing around, watching T.V, or just laying around doing nothing when you get home from school, start on your schoolwork! I know you just went to school for a lot of hours, I know you don't feel like it! But when do you ever feel like doing homework? Just get it done, it'll be worth it and you'll be amazed with how much free-time you actually end up with.

Don't stress out. The more you stress, the more your immune system works against you, i.e the more likely you will get sick. The sicker you are, the worse you will do on all tests and homework. 'Nuff said.

Make sure to set aside time for doing fun things, too. You want to enjoy yourself in college, so don't just work yourself to an inevitable burn-out. Give yourself increments of time to take a break—studies show you actually only benefit from studying an hour at a time, not from 3 hours of cramming.

Most importantly, take a few deep breaths when you sit down to take the big exam. It’ll slow your heart rate and relax you, and since you worked really hard to prepare you can only do your best. So relax.

Ace those midterms, Rams! Tune in Wednesday for my next post.